How to plan your wedding without hurting feelings or sacrificing what's most important to you.
You might be a People-Pleasing Bride if:
You find yourself agreeing, “yes that’s fine” to important wedding decisions
You’ve avoided saying “no” and disagreeing with someone who’s offered to help
Finding joy in planning your wedding only comes when everyone who’s helping you plan is in agreement and happy
You hide your real thoughts and opinions about wedding plans others may be putting into motion
To some extent, most brides have a bit of people-pleasing within them. Oftentimes, we aim to please people we most respect, love or admire, which makes it difficult to face disagreements big or small when (not if) they arise in wedding planning.
My people-pleasing tendencies came out when I was wedding planning when I felt other people would consider me not as caring or loving. In one instance, I was convinced that a friend was upset with me for not including her as a bridesmaid, even though we’d never talked about it. My compromise was going to be asking her to read a Bible passage or participate in the ceremony in another fashion, which wasn’t my original intent. But my sister called me out and encouraged me that if I was only changing my ceremony plans to please my friend, it wasn’t a necessary change to make. I ended up keeping our ceremony as-was and didn’t regret it.
People-Pleasing Brides can feel real or potential tensions the most. When faced with disagreements between helpful people they care about, People-Pleasing Brides seek to be the resolution at a personal loss, which can make their own wedding planning experience far less fun and exciting than they had envisioned.
Instead of feeling excited and accomplished at choosing your wedding gown, you felt like you had to compromise because your sister thought it wasn’t quite right for a summer wedding. Perhaps you’d had your heart set on a certain color scheme or theme for your wedding day that your maid of honor didn’t seem that excited about, which made you want to change it.
Before you go making any other changes to your wedding plans because you want to be considerate to those who may be helping you pay for or plan your special day, let’s remember one main thing: it’s YOUR wedding day.
You may have heard people say that so often already, but when you hear it, believe that they mean it. It is your wedding day, which should shine with the special aspects that could only be for your wedding.
As you plan, keep these three things in mind, so you don’t look back and regret compromising on what was most important to you about your wedding day experience.
You’re not being selfish Despite what your mind or your heart may tell you, disagreeing with someone else’s opinion or declining someone’s offer to help does not make you a selfish person. No one else can speak up for you like you can, so be sure to make your wedding wants known. Believe it when someone tells you, “it’s your wedding day. Do what you want.”
Prioritize your priorities Whether it’s the ceremony order of events, floral decorations or your guest list, prioritize what is most important to the wedding day experience you want. This means setting your top 1-3 wedding non-negotiables, communicating them with those who may be helping you plan, and doing your best to make sure your non-negotiables are included for your special day. Safeguarding your wedding day priorities will help you feel more confident walking into your wedding day and enjoy your wedding experience the most.
Give yourself permission to say “no thanks” When making decisions doesn’t come easy, you can find yourself waiting for someone to voice the option you actually want. Instead of telling your caterer, “Ham sounds good, but I’d really like to have prime rib,” you wait and hope your fiancee recommends adding prime rib to the menu. Give yourself permission and be okay with saying, “no thank you” or “I’ve changed my mind” throughout your wedding planning, especially when it comes to those top wedding non-negotiables. You’re allowed to keep what’s most important to you most important to you.
Being someone who’s easy to get along with is a wonderful thing, my dear! However, don’t be so agreeable that other people plan your whole wedding for you. Don’t let yourself be disappointed with how wedding elements that were most important to you turned out.
Photos of Meredith & Petey, married October 2019